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The Funny, Daily

20 Dec, 2022 —Stefania Galatolo (updated 23 Feb, 2022)

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I said to the waiter, ‘This chicken I’ve got is cold’. He said, ‘I should think so. It’s been dead for two weeks.’ ‘Not only that,’ I said, ‘it’s got one leg shorter than the other.’ He said, ‘What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?’ — Tommy Cooper —

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. (The Duchess of Padua, play by Oscar Wilde.) — Frank Cadogan Cowper (1919). Vanity II [Oil on canvas]. Private Collection.

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Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. — Murphy’s laws on PM.

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Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes… It’s dark, isn’t it?

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drunk /kriːˈeɪtɪv/ adj. 1. affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one’s faculties or behavior. 2. suffering from vision, hearing and speech impairment, with an insatiable appetite for pizza. 3. possessing an illogical belief that s/he is gorgeous despite dribbling and slobbering.

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A friend is someone who will help you move. A good friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.

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All’s well that ends. — Murphy’s laws on project management.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. — Michelangelo Merisi, called Caravaggio (c. 1598). Medusa [Oil on canvas mounted on wood]. Uffizi, Florence.

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programmer /ˈprəʊɡramə/ n. 1. a person who writes computer programs. 2. an organism that converts caffeine and pizza into software, usually late at night.

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by Stefania Galatolo

ChatGPT Prompts by Stefania Galatolo

The Funny, Daily