Just tried to make my own hand sanitizer — it came out as a Spritz.

My goal for 2020 is to accomplish the goals of 2019 which I should have done in 2018 because I promised them in 2017 and planned them in 2016.

designer /ˈdɪˈzʌɪnə/ n. 1. a person who plans the look or workings of something prior to it being made, by preparing drawings or plans. 2. a person who gets irked by a single pixel that is out of space.

One year I got a bike for my birthday. So I went peddling off down the road and knocked an old chap. ‘Can’t you ring your bell?’ He said. ‘I can ring my bell,’ I said, ‘but I can’t ride my bike.’ – Tommy Cooper –

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. — Frank Cadogan Cowper (1906). A Merciles Beaute [Oil on canvas]. Private Collection.

Poop jokes aren’t my favorite — but they’re a solid number two.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. — Murphy’s laws on computer science.

Drink coffee: do stupid things faster with more energy.

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. — Vincent van Gogh (1890). The siesta (after Millet) [Oil on canvas]. Musee d’Orsay, Paris.

alcohol /ˈalkəhɒl/ n. 1. a colorless volatile flammable liquid which is produced by the natural fermentation of sugars and is the intoxicating constituent of wine, beer, spirits, and other drinks, and is also used as an industrial solvent and as fuel. 2. the buffer between reality and a good night; has been known to make people seem more attractive and make obviously stupid ideas seem like good sense.