hangover /ˈhaŋəʊvə/ n.1. a severe headache or other after-effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol. 2. the wrath of grapes.

Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant, and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says, ‘Your eyes sparkle like diamonds.’ I said, ‘Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.’ — Tommy Cooper —

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. — Murphy’s laws on tech and science.

I don’t always test my code. But when I do, I do it in production.

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. — Titian (1515/1518). Violante [Oil on canvas]. Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna.

What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. — Unknown author (1400—50). The Travels of Sir John Mandeville [Manuscript]. British Library, London.

engineer /ɛndʒɪˈnɪə/ n. 1. a person who designs, builds, or maintains engines, machines, or structures. 2. a person that solves problems you did not know you had, using methods you do not understand.

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!