Here are some that are so bad, they’re good.
I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
‘I hate when you treat me like an object.’ ‘ Would you like to be a class?’
What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A CAT-astrophe.
I love the smell of my F5 key — it’s very refreshing.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
‘Dad, I’m gonna go out with a female friend.’ ‘Be careful, girls nowadays only think about one thing…’ ‘Sex?’ ‘No… machine learning.’
Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeño business!
What’s a bear with no teeth called? A gummy bear.
Why are elephants wrinkly? Have you ever tried to iron one?!
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? It was a little shellfish.
My goal for 2020 is to accomplish the goals of 2019 which I should have done in 2018 because I promised them in 2017 and planned them in 2016.
Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes… It’s dark, isn’t it?
What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop!
How do you make a venetian blind? Poke her/him in the eyes!
You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left!
How did the hipster burn her/his tongue? S/he drank her/his coffee before it was cool!
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
You went rock climbing? That must have been an adventure!
What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
How do you impress a female baker? Bring her flours!
The person who invented the door knock won the… No-bell prize.
That’s a horrible idea! What time?
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Caffeine, caffeine, caffeine… CAFFEEEEINE
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, the dig…It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.