“What’s green and sings?…”

Classic Dog Puns

• The dog groomer said to the dentist, “I clean my canines every single day!”
• My dog’s bones will rottweiler spirit will live on!
• If you’re looking to find the smartest dogs in the world, I hear you can find them in the region near the Border of Colliefornia.
• Dachshunds always nap in the shade because they don’t like being hot dogs.
• Every time my dog starts itching after coming back from the dog park, it really ticks me off.
• When I got my new car, my dog ran straight in the car. I found out he was just inspecting the subwoofer.
• My Golden Retriever’s dog tag is often mistaken for a collar ID.

• You should always extra careful after it rains cats and dogs. You really don’t want to accidentally step in a poodle.
• It’s amazing that my dog can bark all night long without any paws in between.
• Make sure to always use collie flour when baking delicious biscuit treats for your dog.
• My dog has always been picky with his food. For example, he’ll only eat woofles for breakfast.
• It’s the Year of the Dog. I hope it’s not a ruff year.
• I threw the ball down Niagara Falls, and my dog retrieved it for me. I know it sounds far-fetched, but it’s true!
• When traveling with your dog, make sure to always have a doggie bag ready.

• Dogs are the most loyal creatures on earth – completely devoted to their dog-ma and paw.
• I went to pick up my dog at the dog hotel and all the dogs were having such a blast. It looked like they were all raising the ruff.
• My Maltipoo isn’t allowed to eat fruits because the sugar always makes him go mutts!
• Every time I put on a movie at home, my dog always begs me to make some pupcorn.
• I have to be extremely careful as to not drop my ribs during my July 4th party. Last time my dogs got to the Bark-B-Q.
• Next time you take your dog out to the lake, bring a doggie paddle with you!
• My Instagram-famous dog has to deal with all the puparazzi while going on his daily walks.
• My dog is so smart. No matter where I park my car, he’ll always find it in the barking lot.

• My German dog loves the holidays and will always dance to Christmas music. His favorite song starts with, “dachshund through the snow…”
• My dog has seen me play soccer for so many years that he probably understands enough to be the rufferee for our practice games.
• The curly-haired Poodle could never catch the rabbit. All Poodles have their bad hareday once in a while.
• Always keep your dog indoors during cold winter nights to prevent any pupsicles from forming.

• While the curious Labrador was sniffing around the giant oak tree, the shepherd dog approached him and said, “you won’t find what you’re looking for, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
• The reason why grandma decided to get two large German Shepherds is that she wanted some pawdy guards.
• Whenever my Corgi meets my friend’s Bulldog, he never stands up for himself. He just rolls over.
• If your dog won’t stop begging you to take him out for a walk, it can become a really dog-matic situation.
• This dog hotel with expensive toys, luxurious treats, and spacious kennels was a little too pawsh for my taste.

• It was unbelievable that the one cat won the dog show! It was truly a Cat-astrophe.
• My dog kept barking at me, acting like he had pawsession of the brand new dog biscuit I just brought home.
• Have you ever wondered why old dogs can’t learn new tricks? It’s because they eat up all their homework from obedience school.
• Feeding grapes to your dog can kill them. What? I’m just raisin’ some awareness for new dog owners.
• Crazy dog ladies with too many dogs experience a medical condition called a Rover-dose.
• The reason why that dog got the last spot on our baseball team was that he always got walked.
• I’m almost pawsitive that this stray dog has some terrier blood in him.

Pun-ny Dog Names

• Hairy Pawter (and the Terrier’s Bone) – What’s a pun list without referencing Harry Potter (and the Sorcerer’s Stone)?
• Jabba the Mutt – Reference of Jabba the Hutt from the beloved Star Wars series.
• Chewbarka – Another classic dog name pun from Star Wars’ Chewbacca.
• Arf Vader – Have you ever heard of Darth Vader’s sidekick dog?
• Sherlock Bones – The beagle detective that no one has ever heard of.
• Mary Puppins – If Mary Poppins was a crazy dog lady, this would be her nickname.
• Winnie the Pooch – Winnie the Pooh should have totally been a dog.

• Winnie the Poodle – Specifically, the character should have been a poodle.
• Andy Warhowl – Just imagine the pop art featuring kibbles, treats, and balls.
• Bark Obama – If this dog was running for President of the United States, I’d vote for him.
• J.K. Growling – Ah yes, the writer that brought you the ever-so-popular Hairy Pawter series.
• Anderson Pooper – The one and only Anderson Pooper, bringing you the latest news on “good boys” and treats.
• Queen Elizabark – All hail (howl?) the queen Corgi of Wales.
• Brad Sit – The Hollywood canine with tremendous talent. No pressure or treats can stop him from doing his camera-ready tricks.
• Ms. Weeny Cooper – Perhaps my favorite pun name for a dachshund living in the Wonder Years.
• Bark Twain – Brilliant writer, great thinker and also a dog?
• L.L. Drool J – Legend has it that the dog got his stage name because of his excessive saliva when rapping.

Create Your Own Funny Dog Puns

• Bagel = Beagle

Example: “Just give me my usual coffee and beagle, please.”

• Boggle = Beagle

Example: “The fact that your dog doesn’t like treats is truly mind beagle-ing.”

• Up = Pup

Example: The dog recovered from his sickness in record time. He was pup and running within a few days!”

• Terror = Terrier

Example: The small Scottish dog that destroyed the living room was truly a terrier.

• Pure bread = Purebred

Example: “The dog’s health is not good. His diet consists of nearly purebred”

• How’ll = Howl

Example: “Your dog barks all the time. Howl your dog keep quiet at the event?”

• Flee = Flea

Example: “When the dog realized it was a stray cat he was sniffing, he quickly flea’d away. ”

• Wine = Whine

Example: “Did you dog enjoy the new dog food I brought? I’m not sure, but he was whining and dining all night long.”

• Thug = Pug

Example: “My dog is all about that pug life.”

• Poor = Paw

Example: “Last night I found a little puppy wandering the streets of my neighborhood alone and afraid. He was such a paw thing.”

• Degrading = Dograding

Example: “Dog puns can be a terrible thing. They’re sometimes a little dograding.”

Double Meaning Dog Words

• Pointer – This could refer to both the dog breed or help advice and tips.

Example: “My dog can give your dog some pointers on playing fetch.”

• Lab – This is also short for the dog breed: Labrador Retriever. However, it can also refer to a facility where scientific research takes place.

Example: “All food must go to the lab for testing.”

• Retriever – In its most literal sense, a retriever can mean a person or thing that retrieves something. But the fact that it also refers to a dog breed, means this word can be a candidate for some clever dog puns.

Example: “I wish my dog would fetch the ball. I think I’ll need a retriever instead.”

• Fetch – Fetching can refer to the act of retrieving or used to describe someone (or something) as attractive.

Example: “Well, your dog is looking quite fetching with his bow tie collar.”

• Underdog – This usually refers to a competitor that has little to no chance at winning. But because the word contains “dog,” you may be able to create clever dog puns.

Example: “The 3-legged corgi was truly the underdog at the annual corgi race competition.”

Dog “Fur” Puns

Perhaps the most versatile single pun word is “fur,” as it can be used to replace a multitude of syllables in our everyday vocabulary. Here are just some examples of what I mean:

• Suf-fur
• Com-fur-table
• Trans-fur-mation
• Fur-ocious
• Fur-give
• Fur-gotten

• Of-fur
• In-fur-mation
• A-fur-mative
• Fur-bid
• Fur-ever
• Philoso-fur
• Con-fur-ence
• A-fur-ca
• Photogra-fur

Long-winded Dog Jokes

The Woman with a Husband that Thinks He’s a Dog

A woman walks into a psychoanalyst’s office and says, “doctor, my husband thinks he’s a dog! I don’t know what to do! Please help.”

The doctor replies,  “Okay, have him get on the couch.”

The woman quickly snapped back, “Wait, no, he’s not allowed on the couch!”

(via bradminister)

The Trouble of Flying your Dog

A woman called an airline 
customer-service desk asking if it was possible to fly with her dog on board. 

“Sure,” the airline agent said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”

She continued to explain that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and rollover.

The customer was perplexed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

(via gcfl.net)

King of the Jungle: Dog vs. Lion 

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, I’ve never seen his kind before.”

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic, but as he’s about to run, he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea. He says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can.” Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened. The lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.” And they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them and realized what happened, starting to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts,

“Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

(via reddit user shotuken)

The Collie-flower

As I was walking down the street the other day, I saw my neighbor pulling a leash with a piece of Cabbage on the end. I asked him “why are you pulling along a lead with a Cabbage on the end?”

He replied: “Oh no, the man who sold it to me said it was a Collie!!”

Three Dogs and a Beautiful Poodle

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”  She replies, “Oh, how childish, that shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and he blurts, “Uhhh…I HATE liver and cheese.” 

“I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s line,” said the Poodle. 

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three was a tiny little chihuahua. The chihuahua gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”

(via reddit user xSavageLlamax)

Two Men are Walking their Dogs (a Doberman and a Chihuahua)

They’re getting hungry and decided to grab a bite at a nearby restaurant. At the entrance of the door, a large sign reads: “NO DOGS ALLOWED”.

The man with the Doberman says, “I know what to do, just follow my lead.” He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in. The waiter points to the sign and says “I’m sorry sir, dogs are allowed.” The man replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my guide dog.”

“A Doberman for a guide dog?” The suspicious waiter asks.

“Yes, Dobermans are very loyal and protective. They’re born for the job” replied the man. The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table.

The second man throws on his sunglasses and walks in. The waiter tells him “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs here.” The man says “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m blind and this is my guide dog.”

“A chihuahua for a guide dog?” The annoyed waiter asks.

“A chihuahua?” The man asks. “They gave me a chihuahua?!”

(via reddit user primetime22)

The Most Useful Dog

On a bright and early Sunday morning, my wife said to me, “Our dog is so smart!. He’ll bring in the daily newspapers every single morning.”

I reply, “It’s not that special. Many dogs do the same.”

My wife responded, “But we aren’t subscribed to any newspapers!”

The ‘Genius’ Dog

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!” 

(via reddit user NeetStreet_)

The Big Bulldog

A man walks into an animal hospital with his Bulldog and says “My dog is cross-eyed, can you fix it?”

The vet replies, “Let’s have a look at what’s wrong.” The vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. After thoroughly inspecting the dog for a few minutes, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“What?! You’re going to put him down because he’s cross-eyed?”

“No, because he is really, really heavy.”

Difference Between a Cat and Dog

A woman lives with both a cat and a dog. Every day she’ll feed them, clean up after them and provide plenty of love and attention.

The dog is very grateful. As the owner approaches the dog and fills his bowl with kibbles, the dog thinks ” Wow, you do all this for me, every day. You must be good.”

The owner then walks over to the cat and gives her daily food. The cat thinks to herself, ” Wow, you do all this for me, every day. I must be god.”

Classic Short Dog Jokes

• Question: What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?

Answer: A chilli-dog

• Question: Where does a dog go after it loses its tail?

Answer: The retail store

• Question: What is Dracula’s favorite dog breed?

Answer: The Bloodhound

• Question: What do you call a dog that’s also a magician?

Answer: A labra-cadabra-dor

• Question: What is a dog’s favorite city to be in?

Answer: New Yorkie

• Question: What do you call a dog that’s unable to bark?

Answer: A hushpuppy

• Question: What kind of dog is excellent and keeping time?

Answer: A watchdog

• Question: What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Answer: Any kind of dog. Buildings can’t jump!

• Question: A dog is watching his favorite YouTube video of a bouncing ball. How does he stop the video?

Answer: He presses the “paws” button.

• Question: What do dogs eat at the movie theaters?

Answer: Pupcorn

• Question: What happens when you buy a dog from a blacksmith?

Answer: As soon as he gets to the home, he’ll make a bolt for the door.

• Question: What dog will laugh at any joke?

Answer: A Chi-ha-ha

•  Question: What happened to the dog that had her puppies on the sidewalk?

Answer: She got ticketed for littering.

• Question: What did the Dalmatian say as it started scratching its neck?

Answer: Ahhh yeaaa, that’s the SPOT!

• Question: Why do dogs like sandpaper?

Answer: Because they’re ruff.

• Question: Why did the snowman name his dog “frost?”

Answer: Because “frost” bites.

• Question: Why are German shepherds similar to trees?

Answer: They both have a big bark.

• Question: What do you call a sweating dog?

Answer: A hot dog

• Question: What do you do when your dog chews up your dictionary?

Answer: You take the words right out of its mouth.

• Question: What kind of instruments do dogs love?

Answer: The trombone.

Jokes by Dog Breed

Corgi Jokes

What’s probably the most funny-looking dog breed? With short legs and a large butt, corgis maybe have taken the cake for the title.

• Question: What happens when you connect a corgi to a battery?

Answer: You get a short-circuit.

• Question: What is the biggest problem with corgi jokes?

Answer: All corgi jokes end up being too short.

• Question: What’s another name for an overweight corgi?

Answer: Low fat.

Typical Behavior Corgi Owners know all too well.

A corgi walks into a bar. Bartender peers over the counter. “Got any treats?” asks the corgi.
“Nope, and we don’t serve dogs here. Go away.” says the bartender.
Corgi returns after a few minutes. “You got any treats?”

“No. No dogs allowed in here. Please leave now.” the annoyed bartender replied.
Corgi leaves, but returns yet again.
Losing all patience, the bartender sternly exclaims, “I told you already, no dogs allowed in here. If I see your furry little snout in here again, I’m gonna nail your tail to the floor.”
And of course, the (tail-less) corgi immediately replies, “Got any treats?”

• Question: A corgi is taking out a sausage dog to dog prom, what does he get her?

Answer: A Cor-sage.

• Question: How does a corgi unlock a door?

Answer: Using a Corg-key.

• Question: Why couldn’t the corgi lend his friend money?

Answer: Because he was Pembroke.

Hilarious Husky Jokes

• Question: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

Answer: A dusky husky.

Having a conversation with my friend…

Me: What dog did you get?

Friend: Husky

Me: (In a low voice) what dog did you get?

The boy and his sled dog

A little boy pulls out his sled, attached to a single overweight dog. An older boy spots the little boy struggling to get the dog to run. 

“Isn’t your dog a little fat to be pulling your sled?” he asks.

The little boy replies “my dog isn’t fat, he’s just a little husky.”

Shiba Inu

• Question: A shiba inu is shopping for a new laptop. What’s his favorite computer brand?

Answer: To-shiba.

Hilarious Dog Puns

• As the men started to approach the Dalmatian, the dog frantically jumped behind a bush to avoid being spotted.
• I can’t believe the cat won the dog show, it was truly a CAT-astrophe.
• By having your loyal companion dog by your side, anything is pawsible.
• Greyhound dogs never end up catching the rabbit. Every dog has a bad hare day.
• The real reason why old dogs can’t learn new tricks is because they end up eating all their homework from obedience school.
• My teacher once told me that the smartest dog breed can be found at the Border of Colliefornia.
• Always keep your dogs indoors during severe winter storms to prevent any pupsicles.
• I went to a Shih Tzu and only found one dog. Now, where can I find a good zoo?
• The golden retriever told the curious poodle, “you won’t find what you’re looking for, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
• The Dachshund always napped under a tree providing some shade because he never wanted to be mistaken for a hot dog.
• The dog groomer told his dentist, “there’s nothing wrong with my canines – I clean them every single day.”
• It’s the Year of the Dog. I hope it won’t be a ruff year.

• I threw a ball into the Grand Canyon and my dog retrieved it days later. I know this sounds a bit far-fetched, but it’s true!
• Did you know that feeding grapes to your dog can kill them? Oh, you did? I’m just raisin’ awareness.
• I’m getting annoyed of my dog. Just the other day he was barking all night with barely any paws in between.
• My dog always goes out to play and comes back with excessive itching. I have to say it really ticks me off.
• Did you know that the medical term for owning too many dogs is called a Rover-dose?
• After it was raining cats and dogs last night, I nearly stepped in a poodle on my way out.
• For a long time, my baseball coach wanted to recruit my dog to the team. I guess it was because my dog always got walked.
• What happens when you cross a bunny and a dog? You end up getting a rabid dog.
• When your dog is bugging you to take him out for a walk, it can really be a dog-matic situation.
• My dogs are glued to the TV every time there’s a Hairy Pawter marathon airing.
• I always use collie flour whenever I bake dog biscuits for my Border.
• My dog wants to get into the construction business. He’s an excellent roofer.
• My dog wants to eat nothing but woofles for breakfast.
• Did you hear about the Avengers’ new superhero dog? I think it was a labra-thor.